We All Love The Corny But Short Q & A's On MarysFreebies.com Daily Newsletters! Well here they are all in one place for you (HAHA) ENJOY!!!!! NEW ONES will be addd to the BOTTOM of this page!
Think Twice Before Doing Bad To Others...why? Here's why...
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Q: What did the mexican fireman name his kids?
A: Jose & Hose B
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Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: A milk dud.
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Q: What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed
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Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback
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Q: What did the floor say to the dresser?
A: I can see your drawers
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Q: What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
A: The space bar.
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Q: What is three quarters of one million dollars?
A: Seventy five cents!
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Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: With tomato paste.
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Q. What did the rock climber name his son?
A. Cliff
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Q: What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A: A bunny burp.
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Q: Where did the inventor of the toupee get his idea?
A: Off the top of his head
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Q: What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
A: Pick It.
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Q: Why did the chicken only go halfway across the road?
A: Because she wanted to lay it on the line.
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Q. What do you call a bee that can't make up it's mind?
A. A maybee.
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Q: What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted some ice cream?
A: Sure Bert
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Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.
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Q: Who does a dog quarterback throw to?
A: A Labrador Receiver
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Q: How do you get around when you are under water?
A: Taxi crab.
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Q: What kind of duck breaks into houses?
A: Robber duck.
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Q: Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
A: To take care of some monkey business
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Q: What do you get when you dip a hen in a jar of peanut butter?
A: I don't know, but when you fry its eggs they stick to the roof of your mouth!
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Q: How do you know you were built upside down"
A: Because your nose runs and your feet smell
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Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they swim in schools
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Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patti O'Furniture.
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Q: What do whales spread on their toast?
A: Jellyfish
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Q: What kind of fruit do trees like?
A: Pine - Apple
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Q: What animal does not like to do laundry?
A: A leopard, because he has a lot of spots
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Q: What is decor?
A: The part of an apple you don't eat.
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Q: Who granted the monster his wish?
A: His scary godmother
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Q: Why do bees hum?
A: Because they don't know the words
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Q: Name a room you cannot walk into.
A: A mushroom
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Q: What do aliens use to tie up space men?
A: Astro - Knots
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Q: Why can't your head be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot
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Q: What is a grizzly bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
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Q: What grows down when it grows up?
A: A goose
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Q: Have you heard the status of the little boy ten quarters?
A: No change yet.
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Q: Why are robots never afraid?
A: Because they have nerves of steel.
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Q: Where did the baby ear of corn come from?
A: The stalk brought her.
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Q: What happened to the frog when he parked on double yellow lines?
A: He got toad away
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
A: Winnie the Phew!
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Q: Why couldn't the pony talk?
A: Because he was a little hoarse
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Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt.
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Q: Why don't melons run off to Las Vegas to get married?
A: They cantaloupe.
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Q: Why did the kid get in trouble for saying "a, e, i, o, u"?
A: He was using vowel language.
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Q. What happened to the cat who swallowed a flashlight?
A. He hiccuped with delight.
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Q: What do penguins eat for lunch?
A. Ice burgers
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Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand alone?
A: Because it is two-tired
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Q: Why should you walk carefully when it's raining cats and dogs?
A: You might step in a poodle.
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Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?
A: So he won't be spotted
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Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?
A: Because she wanted to mail a litter
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Q: How do you frustrate and impatient person?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow.
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Q: How does a rabbit make gold soup?
A: He begins with 24 carrots
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Q: What happens when a bicycle freezes?
A: It turns into an ice-cycle.
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Q: Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?
A: From 2nd to 3rd, because there is a shortstop in the middle.
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Q. What did the dollar name his daughter?
A. Penny
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Q: What is Aquaman's grade average?
A: Below C level.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a bee with a quarter pound of
beef?
A: A humburger
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Q: What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?
A: Getting the scoop!
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Q: What to kittens wear?
A: Dia-purrs
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Q: Where does a boat go when it is sick?
A: To the dock.
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Q: What do baseball players eat on?
A: Home plates!
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Q: Why did the bear tiptoe through the campground?
A: He didn't want to wake up the sleeping bags
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Q: What can be served but never eaten?
A: A tennis ball.
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Q: What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
A: It slipped a disk.
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Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.
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Q: What ten letter word starts with gas?
A: Automobile
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Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.
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Q: What is a computer's first sign of old age?
A: Loss of memory.
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Q: What is the quietest game in the world?
A: Bowling. You can hear a pin drop!
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Q: What did one ocean say to the other?
A: Nothing, it just waved
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Q: Why was the tomato red?
A: Cause he looked over the fence and saw Mr. Green Pea
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Q: Where do martians drink from in outter space?
A: The big dipper
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut
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Q: What does a young lion eat for dessert?
A: A cubcake
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Q: What did the washer say to the dryer!?
A: Wanna go for a spin?
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Q: What happens when you put a light bulb in a suit of armor?
A: You have a knight light!
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Q: Why did the dog keep chasing his tail?
A: He wanted to see if he could make ends met
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Q: How do you get an egg from a chicken?
A: Through the eggs-it
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Q: What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed?
A: A knight-gown
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Q: If a child playing on the beach had 6 and 1/6 sand piles
in one place
and 3 and 2/3 in another place - how many would he have if you put them all
together?
A: One
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Q: How much dirt is there in a hole that's three feet wide, three feet
long and three feet deep?
A: None
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Q: If you take two apples from three apples what do you have?
A: Two apples
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Q: What kind of car did the 12 Apostles drive?
A: The answer to this is in the Bible. It was a Honda - the Bible says they were all
together in one accord!
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Q: How many animals did Moses take on the Ark?
A: NONE - it was Noah
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Q. Why did the cookie say to the banker?
A. I need to borrow some dough
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Q: What do you call a song about a car?
A: A car tune
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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling crummy
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Q: What do you get if you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?
A: The Oyster Bunny!
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Q: Why do lions eat raw meat?
A: Because the never learned to cook
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Q: What do you call your father-in-law's only child's mother-in-law?
A: Mom
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Q: What bone keeps getting longer and shorter?
A: A trombone
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Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age
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Q: What can you put in a wood box that will make it lighter?
A: Holes
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Q: What did the man say when the steamroller ran over his cat?
A: Nothing. He just stood there with a long puss.
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Q: What happens when you pollute the ocean?
A: It gets seasick
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Q: What do you call a snail on a ship?
A: A snailer
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Q: Why was the lamp flunking his classes?
A: Because he was not very bright
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Q: What did the nose say before it left?
A: Gotta run
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Q: What is the noisiest Planet?
A: Saturn, because it has so many rings
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Q: Which sports player is the sloppiest eater?
A: A basket ball player because he dribbles all over
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Q: What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?
A: Silence
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Q: How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride
out on Friday?
A: His horse is named Friday
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Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a shortcut.
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Q: Where do astronauts go when they want to eat?
A: To launch
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Q: Why are saddles so difficult to get along with?
A: Because they stirrup trouble!
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Q: Why did the mare scold her colt?
A: For misbehooving
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Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: A Buccaneer
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Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated
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Q: Why is it so hot after the baseball game?
A: Because all the fans have left
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Q: Why did the Amish couple get divorced?
A: He was driving her buggy
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Q: What do baby sweet potatoes sleep in?
A: Their yammies
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Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A: A sourpuss
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Q: What did the waitress say to the jumper cables?
A: I'll serve you but don't start anything
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Q: What does the Green Giant wear to a corporate board meeting?
A: A three pea suit
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Q: What can jump higher than a house?
A: Anything. Houses can't jump
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Q: Why can't a bank keep secrets?
A: Because there are so many tellers
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Q: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A: Three: One left ear, one right ear, and one wild front ear
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Q: What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxicabs
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Q: What do you call a crate of ducks ?
A: A box of quackers
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Q: Why did the chicken sit on the ax?
A: To try and hatchet
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Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
A: A Peking Tom
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Q: What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
A: Sir Render
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Q: What did the negative magnet say to the other negative magnet?
A: I find you very repelling
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Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only drank condensed milk
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Q: What soup talks the most:
A: Clam chatter
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Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw
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Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
A: She's got that down in the mouth look
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Q: What will your parents say if you start gettting excellent grades?
A: Long time no C
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Q: What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens
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Q: What kind of school uniforms do bees wear?
A: Yellow jackets
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Q: Where does a mole look up words?
A: In a dig-tionary
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Q: What Is A Beauty Parlor?
A: A place where women curl up and dye
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Q: What contests do skunks always win?
A: Smelling bees
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Q: Why do fireflies do well in school?
A: Because they're so bright
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Q: What is a needle's best subject?
A: Sew-cial studies
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Q: What is an egotist
A: A peron who is me-deep in conversation.
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Q: What is dust?
A: Mud with the juice squeezed out
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Q: What does a car wear when its cold?
A: A cardigan
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Q: Where does ice cream go for an education?
A: Sundae school
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Q: Why did the student try to return his math book?
A: Because it had so many problems
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Q: Where do little boys keep their armies?
A: Up their sleevies?
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Q: What kind of music do mummies like?
A: Wrap music!
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Q: How did the mouse do on her test?
A: She just squeaked by
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Q: What is a ruler's favorite candy?
A: Measure mints
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Q: Why did the gopher get in trouble in the library?
A: For burrowing too many books
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Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh
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Q: What did the camel wear when he went into the jungle to hunt??
A: Camelflage
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Q: Why did the pig put everyone to sleep?
A: It was a boar!
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Q: How do you write to a fish?
A: You drop him a line
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Q. How do you make a handkerchief dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it!
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Q: What time is it when 7 hungry lions are cahsing you?
A: Seven after one
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Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!
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Q: Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A: Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!
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Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
A: She was tickled to death!
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Q: What pillar doesn't need holding up?
A: A caterpillar!
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Q: What do you call an ant from overseas?
A: Import-ant!
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Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hello honey!
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Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A news paper
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Q: Where do ants go for their holidays?
A: Frants
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Q: What's Red and Orange and knocks you over?
A: Tackle me Elmo
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Q: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
A: Because if it had four it would be a sedan
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Q. What do you call a one-legged chicken?
A. A flamingo
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Q: What is gray and has a trunk?
A: A Mouse fixing to move.
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Q: What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it,
the rich need it, and if you eat it, you will die?
A: Nothing
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Q: What does a maple tree like to watch on television?
A: Sap operas
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Q: What is a fish's favorite game show?
A: Name That Tuna
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Q: How is a fisherman like a hypochondriac?
A: Both have to catch something to be happy
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Q: Why did the cake like to play baseball?
A: Because it was a good batter
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Q: What has an eye but cannot see?
A: A needle
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Q: What did the banana do when it heard the ice scream?
A: It split
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Q: Why has no one ever spotted a leopard in Africa?
A: Because leopards are already born with spots
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Q: How do you clear out an Iraqi bingo game?
A: Yell B-52
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Q: What is the coolest letter in the alphabet?
A: Iced T
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Q: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
A: Because there were too many knights!
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Q: Why are elephants not allowed on the beach?
A: They can't keep their trunks up
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I WILL Add More Often, Please see two new ones EACH DAY On the Daily FREEBIE Newsletter!